If you can’t stand…

There used to be an expression “If you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen”. Obviously, that can apply to many things in life. But right now I am thinking about how that applies to my favorite activity, dancing.

If you can’t stand to:

  • Have your foot stepped on
  • Be bumped into
  • Be knocked over
  • Have people shove their way past you
  • Have your drink spilled
  • Have your brand new fancy drink spilled
  • Have some one else spill their drink on you
  • Have to deal with drunk people
  • Deal with people ignoring you
  • Have some one not want to follow your dance moves
  • Have your offer to dance with you be rejected
  • etc.

Stay off of the dance floor, maybe just say out of the club, maybe you should just stay home.

The dance floor is an amazing beautiful magical place. But shit does happen, often. I just assume when I go dancing I am going to receive a drink or two, not in the glass. I totally assume I am going to get my feet stepped on and bumped into. And when things beyond that happen I just roll with it. From my experience that is the attitude of most people.

But every so often I run into people that need to read the above list. These people get very overtly annoyed if not down right pissed-off when the above things happen. Personally, and I am being very serious here, these people should just party at home. Maybe there is some fancy lounge where everyone acts “proper” and the things on my list never happen. I have never been to such a place but if they exist that would be a good place for these sensitive people.

The places I go to are dance clubs, large dance floors, mood lights, and lots of alcohol. It has been said, and I think it is likely often true, that I am the only non-employee sober person in the club. Most people are drinking, some a lot. When you mix alcohol with dancing you end up with a variety of boo-boos. To me, all of that is just part of the experience. Most of the time some one bumps into me or spills their drink on me and there is a brief apologetic expression of some sort and we all go on dancing.

To sum it up
So if you can’t stand the potential, some likely, consequence of being on the dance floor stay home.

WARNING: The following is more of a rant, but might be fun to read.

Drink Guy
One day I was dancing and as usual I was moving a lot and all over the dance floor. I do my best to stay away from the tables and areas that people commonly use as a pathway to other areas. But it was very crowded and everyone was bumping into each other. At one point I bumped into this dude and his brand new drink was totally all over the floor. I don’t think there was even a sip left in his cup.

Of course, I said sorry, but that wasn’t good enough for him. On the plus side he never verbally said anything to me. He just gave me the meanest stare, like this totally pissed-off stare. And he kept staring at me that way. I had moved on to a different corner of the dance floor and when I turned around he was still standing there staring at me all pissed-off. He could have rolled with it like most people do and have a good time. Instead, he spend the next few minutes, likely the rest of the night thinking about his spilled drink.

Pro-Tip: If you don’t want your dink spilt stay off of the dance floor. Stay totally away from the dance floor.

Dance with me Dude
Being a lesbian I prefer to dance with girls, and mostly do. One big exception to this is flamboyant gay dudes. They are usually the best dancers, very sharp dressers, and I don’t have to worry about a pick-up. But I do dance with ordinary dudes at times.

The other night I was dancing off to the side having a great time dancing on my own (I do that a lot, I don’t need a partner to really enjoy dancing). This guy came up and made it clear he wanted to dance with me. He wasn’t a flamboyant gay dude but he seemed ok, so I started dancing with him. That was a mistake.

After we had been dancing a few minutes he put out his hand. Now I have learned a lady putting out her hand and a guy putting out their hand have two totally different meanings.

When a lady does it, it usually means let’s have some fun together. Maybe that is dancing boob to boobs, maybe that is doing a bit of grinding, maybe that is just doing some spins together. I don’t think I have ever accepted a lady’s hand and not enjoyed it. And those few times I have rejected it they shrug it off and go on having a good time.

On the other hand, when a dude puts out his hand it seems to usually mean I want to take control of the dancing and I very much mean TAKE. It seems to often feel like they see it as a prelude to something more. If nothing else they’re being in charge. Because of these experiences, it is extremely rare that I will accept a guys hand. I usually just shake my head and we go on dancing together but separately.

This guy the other day, and this has happened several times before, didn’t want to take no for an answer. I shook my head and he kept putting his hand out there. I shook my head again and again. Finally, he got the message. He was very pissed-off. Stopped away like I had totally offended his honor or something.

WTF is with these men and their extremely sensitive toxic masculinity? As I said when I reject a girl’s hand we just roll with it. To be fair with most men the same happens, or sometimes they just quietly move on without pouting. But ever so often I run into a fragile dude that just can’t stand being rejected.

Pro-Tip: If your masculinity is so toxic you think you should always be in-charge with a lady, grow the fuck up.

Don’t Bump me Dude
I have had this happen quite a bit. I am dancing and I bump into some one. As I said I am a very active dancer. I move all over the place, spinning and twirling as I go. I am really amazed I don’t bump into people more often. In an average night of dancing, which for me is about three and a half hours actively on the dance floor, I might bump into some one else 2 -5 times. And at that it is usually pretty brief. We barely touch and I move away. When this happens I give them an “I’m sorry” look and we both go on dancing, ‘No harm, no foul’. And this is what most other people do when they bump into me.

But every so often I bump into some one a bit more “sensitive”. I remember one night bumping into a guy, who clearly felt I owed him much more of an apology than my “I’m sorry” look. Maybe he is used to dancing in a grand ballroom where everything is choreographed and no one makes mistakes. That is certainly the way he acted like I was not following the script.

To Sum it all UP
Dudes get over it! — In case you didn’t notice all of my bad examples were with dudes. Now I will stop right here and state that most dudes on the dance floor are just fine. And some of them, especially the flamboyant guy dudes, are exceptionally fun to dance with and just be around. But when I do have complications on the dance floor it is nearly always with dudes. I’m sure in my hundreds of hours of dancing I have had a mishap or two with a lady. But they are so rare I don’t remember them.

On the other hand, contentious situations with dudes seem to be a fairly regular thing. For the most part, I blow it off and continue to have a good time. But then later, like the next day, I think ‘What was with that dude?’. I don’t let it destroy my evening but obviously, it does kind of bug me. Which is why I say, “If you can’t stand…”

I’d love to hear your perspective and experience, please comment about them.