No, I am not suicidal. I hope to live many more decades. Yes, at my age I think in terms of decades. To be specific my goal is to live to 120 years old. I have special reasons for that number, you can ask me if you want to know. But that is just a hope, none of us live forever.
Some day I am going to leave this realm we call reality. Of course, most of us can’t choose that moment. And I don’t know that I would want to if I could. But if I could choose the activity at the moment it happens it would be dancing.
For me, as is for many others, dance is so much more than moving your body to music. It is an experience that involves all of me, to the depths of my soul, overwhelming my identity. If dancing isn’t so for you I don’t know that I can explain.
Maybe the simplest thing to say is that I am never as alive as I am when I am dancing and everything is perfect; the music, the people, the place, the spirit of it all. In those moments I am connected with the universe and the infinite. In those moments I am invincible, my soul would simply be added to the infinite. In these moments I am already in heaven, I am emersed in it. In these moments I cry so intensely because this vessel I call my body can’t absorb all of the joy.
I hope I have thousands more such experiences before the final one. In the decades to come, I hope I can share this joy with many others. I hope I will continue to grow and learn as the years go by. That the person I am down the road is even kinder and more loving than the me of now.
But when the road comes to an end, I want it to be a dance floor full of beautiful people and music. Maybe at 120, I am in a wheelchair and my body can barely move, but my heart is soaring, as I join in the dance with you all. And when I soar into heaven don’t feel sad for me, dance with me as I will be dancing in heaven.