Sometimes growing up is hard. I have often said, somewhat jokingly and somewhat seriously, that “I feel more like 16 than 61”. When it comes to energy level and love of life I think that is amazing. I am in the best physical condition of my life. I am living my best life. However, I think it is time to move on.
UPDATE: It seems some people read the original version of this post and their takeaway was that I have been acting like a totally irresponsible rebellious teenage brat for years. That is very incorrect. The point is that I found places I can improve on and am past a certain stage of my life. I hope this update shows that.
I came out in November of 2019, right before the pandemic. So during my first year or so, I was rather limited in what I could do. But then as the pandemic slowed and things opened up I started blossoming. In November of 2021 I went dancing for the first time in my life. That night and the days that followed have so changed my life. In that night I learned that I wasn’t the quiet introvert I always seemed to be. I am in fact a very active extrovert.
So I have spent the months since then living the female teen years I never had before. It has been wonderful and so much fun. I have done all the things a teenage girl would typically do; explore makeup, choose her wardrobe, try out new activities, etc.
Unlike most teenage girls I had a rather complicated full-time job that consumed most of my time. In addition to that I had other responsibilities I had to tend to. But when the have-to’s were done I would focus on all of the typical things a teenage girl would. In those times I commonly only considered what was fun or exciting to me when there were other issues I should have been taking under consideration.
I have so enjoyed these months. I think I needed them, but now I think it is time to move on. So Jasmine-Arabella is going to be starting a new chapter of her life, becoming an adult.
I am working on improving my priorities and commitments. In these past months I have made commitments but sometimes fallen through on them because something more exciting came up. That was wrong. I have at times only thought about myself even though I have family and friends I love and care very much about.
I think part of the reason for this is that I felt I had to be 100% Jasmine-Arabella 100% of the time. But I am now realizing that compromise is a healthy part of any relationship. No two people no matter how close always see eye to eye. One wants pepperoni and the other wants veggie. And most issues are external, what kind of pizza you eat isn’t going to change who you are. Or helping out a friend instead of dancing all night doesn’t mean I am no longer The Dancing Queen. I’m not going to promise perfection in this area overnight, but I do promise that I will be working on it.
Then there is the reality that I am more or less done with my teen years. I have so enjoyed them but they have done what they were meant to do. I now know what kind of makeup I like. I have a very nice wardrobe. In a couple of years, I think I have done all, well at least most, of the things a typical teenage/young-adult girl would do. In the process, I have grown so much and learned so much about myself. But it is time to move on.
As I consider all of this I realize it will be difficult at times, but also amazing. I am both scared and excited about this chapter of my life. I know it will result in a lot of changes and growth. And I know the adult Jasmine-Arabella is going to be even more amazing than the teenage one.
If you think this means I am going to “act my age” and become a “normal” sedentary senior, you will get a resounding Fuck No to that.
I don’t really understand it but I have been blessed with vastly more energy than most people my age and I so love it. I am going to be as active as ever, maybe more so. Being active is more than a physical thing for me it reaches down to my soul and makes me alive.
I expect to still be on the dance floor, the side of a mountain, etc. for hours. Maybe someday 20 or 30 years from now when I start getting old I will slow down a bit. But as long as the blessing continues so will I.
No, my glitter isn’t going anywhere either. It might be a bit more refined or contained at times, but I am not giving up on joy and spreading it. Over the past few years I have had hundreds of people tell me how much my love of and enjoyment of life helps them do the same. I will not abandon them or me in this area.
None of the essential parts of what makes me who I am are leaving. I will still be that sensitive emotional girl who cries at so many things, both happy and sad. I will still scream “Wow” at a rainbow, or a beautiful flower, etc. I will still stop in my tracks to run over to someone and compliment them on something I sincerely find amazing. That and so much more is just becoming a bit more polished and sensitive to others.