anomaly {uh–nom–uh-lee}
noun
(1) a deviation from the normal rule, type, arrangement, or form.
(2) a person or thing that is abnormal or does not fit in
(3) an incongruity or inconsistency.
I am an Anomaly.
I am 61 years old and have more energy and zeel for life than most people half my age. That is both beautiful and amazing, and lonely and painful.
It is beautiful and, amazing in so many ways.
Life is beautiful. Sometimes we just need to slow down and take a look but there is so much beauty all around us. I think for me that is especially poignant because I so often see things through a child’s eyes (a topic for another post). Sometimes it is the simplest thing a beautiful flower, someone’s stunning hair color, a bird singing. All that and more warms my soul and breaths life into me.
And all of this is so amazing to me. Often after having been on the dance floor for three or four hours someone will come up to me and ask, “How do you do it?”, referring to dancing for so long without a break. My answer is always the same, “I have no clue”. All I know is I have been blessed with this incredible stamina and hunger for life. And I am enjoying every minute of it.
I can dance all night and get up the next morning for an all-day adventure. I can climb a 65 foot 5.9, with an overhang in one minute and 36 seconds. I can go on long, all-day hikes up to a dozen hours so far. I am hope to do slacklining and skydiving this summer. After that I have other activities, time and money permitting. Who else do you know that is my age, or even close, that does all of this or even wants to? So in being me, Jasmine-Arabella, I have become an anomaly.
Sometimes I almost feel guilty. I see others, often much younger than myself, doing half of what I do and looking exhausted. Why should I get this magic energy, but they don’t? Why did the universe decide to put this boundless energy in me? I have no answer to these questions. But I have long believed that if you don’t take advantage of your opportunities you don’t deserve to have them. So guilt and perplexity to the side I am living every moment with as much gusto as the universe has given me.
But it is also lonely and painful.
Anomalies are few and far between. If it was otherwise they wouldn’t be anomalies. We all want to hang out with people like us. If you are a college student you want to hang out with other college students. If you are a parent with small kids you want to hang out with other young parents. But if you are a senior citizen, yes at 61 I do qualify, with the energy of people decades younger than yourself, who do you hang out with?
Most of the time I am with people who enjoy the activities I do, which means they are much younger than me. These are all awesome people who add so much to my life. I don’t think I could survive without them. I love all of my friends that I dance, climb, hike, and go on other adventures with. But it would be nice to have someone(s) I can enjoy some of my activities with and also talk to about growing up in the 70’s or empty nesting, or other “senior” topics.
This is where the pain comes in, sometimes I feel so all alone. So incredibly unique that I will never find anyone else to fully relate to. I have cried so hard in this loneliness.
Occasionally the thought will float through, “Gee if I just slowed down and acted more normal…”. That thought almost instantly gets a resounding “Fuck NO!”. I would rather only live one more day as Jasmine-Arabella than a thousand years as the person I never was, or compromise in any other way.
I have put some energy into finding such people. I have gone to meetups and joined various groups with this purpose. But the result is always the same. Either I find friends who can relate to my activities, or I find people my own age. But so far never both.
I have more, or less, given up on all of the meetups and apps. They are all made for average people and anomalies are not average. So I have concluded that it will take a miracle for me to find someone.
But I do believe in miracles, I am one. The universe brought me to Utah, of all places Utah, to become myself, Jasmine-Arabella. That was and continues to be, a miracle on so many levels.
So if there was the desire in the universe that allowed me to become me, a miracle beyond my comprehension. Then just maybe there is such to bring two, or more, anomalies together.
PS: If you know of anyone that might fit the bill, please connect us.
