You may think I am crazy, sometime I do, but I have touched the Infinite. And what makes that even more bewildering is that I don’t even know exactly what that is. But after decades of religion telling me I should believe this or that about the afterlife, I now know it is real.
I spent nearly 20 years in Christianity where we are supposed to believe in heaven and hell. To not believe was to be a bad Christian, so we all said we believe, which turns out to be really easy. It is a simple choice to tell yourself, based on no evidence at all, that such and such is true. And since this truth is beyond this world there is no way to prove or disprove the belief. But it was always just that a belief based on a theology.
Then I moved to Orthodox Judaism which in this respect was much easier. Oh, they do have their beliefs about the afterlife, but it is not the big focus like it is in Christianity. But still, there were these ideas that I was supposed to just accept because someone told me.
It never before occurred to me how very hollow all of this is. I can say ‘I believe space people are going to come to visit us in 200 years’. No one can prove or disprove that. There are endless such beliefs and so much of our lives are formed around them. I don’t say any of this to diss any religion. As I said I spent decades in them and believed as such. I guess my big point is, compared to knowing a belief is very little to hang your hat on.
If I go to climb a cliff side I have never climbed before I can say ‘I believe I can make it to the top’, that being based on the grade of the climb and what I have done in the past. But if I start to do a climb that I have done many times before I can say ‘I know I can do this’ because I have done it before. Obviously, there are infinite examples of this, which brings me back to my title, touching the infinite.
I wish I had better words for this. I so wish I could share it with you but I have touched the infinite. I have reached a point of ecstasy where I am at the border of this world and the next, yes that sounds crazy. I wish I could control this but I’m not even close to that. So far this has only happened when I have been dancing for a few hours and everything is right. It usually only lasts for a few seconds, but in those seconds I have touched the infinite, I have connected with whatever you want to call it that is beyond this world. As you have seen, I call that the infinite.
I prefer that over traditional terms like god, lord, etc. I guess partly because to me this experience is beyond a single entity. When I am at this moment it is so vast so beyond anything and everything, yet containing everything. It is such pure love and ecstasy, it is infinite.
And even though I so poorly understand this, the one thing I do very much understand is that life is infinite, we go on. Our bodies have an alarm that will some day go off. But us, the real us, our souls will join the infinite. For so many years I had beliefs about the “afterlife”, I don’t think I would ever use that term, but now I know. I know to the depths of my soul that there is something out there that we join, become part of. I don’t fear “death”, there is no such thing, there is only our bodies completing the cycle of life. Our souls go on in a way that is so beyond this world.
No, I am not in a rush to join that space. While I have my bad/hard times, over all for me life is amazing. And we were put here, I was put here, for a reason. As best I can tell I have quite a few chapters to go, and I am looking forward to savoring every moment of each of them. But when that moment comes I will do it with all of the joy and energy I have knowing what is next is so beyond, so infinite
PS: I’m not trying to start a new religion. I am still agnostic and believe there is some truth in all religions. From an identity perspective, I still consider myself Jewish. I so love the Jewish faith, so much of the philosophy within it resonates with me. But I consider myself very spiritual, but not focused on religious theology. And in this post, I am just trying to share with you an experience I have had that has extremely profoundly affected me in many ways.
If you have had any similar experience please share it.