Living without the Sun

As many of you know for the past couple months I have been regularly dancing at The Sun Trapp. In so many ways The Sun Trapp has become a second home to me.

Unfortunately for the past few weeks the Trapp has been closed. They are going through some legal issues and doing their best to reopen as soon as possible. Unfortunately for now that has left a large hole in my life that I am having trouble filling. You see The Sun Trapp is so much more than a bar. It is an amazing place that I am just now realizing how very rare and beautiful it is.

I tried a different bar. It was also a queer bar so it had that going for it. I did see a few of my friends from the Trapp there. Looking back on it that was more healing than the dancing at this bar. Unfortunately, this bar doesn’t really focus on dancing. So it is a safe queer space but that is only part of what I am missing.

Alternate bar number two had a great dance floor. It was queer accepting but not really a queer space, it lacked the color that I so love at The Sun Trapp. While the dance floor itself was good and the music was good it never got packed out, shoulder to shoulder, like the Trapp does. So it is a place to dance, but it lacked the color and intensity of dancing at The Sun Trapp.

There are other bars and places to checkout and I am sure I will. But it is becoming rather clear to me that there is no other single place in Utah that can do all that The Sun Trapp does. They are a safe queer space where I can be totally at ease. They have a great dance floor. They create a wonderful party atmospher on the weekends with a huge crowd that feed’s my extrover heart’s need for such.

Then there are things that I can’t find other places. Even the other queer bars don’t shine like the Sun with intense queer energy. Other places are not full of fun happy friendly people the way they are at The Sun Trapp. Most of all other places don’t have my friends, from both sides of the bar, that I miss so very much. I can find the piecies but I can’t find the whole.

So there is this big hole in my life right now. I am doing my best to fill it with other things. I am slowly learning how to live without the Sun. But I don’t like living in the dark. It is cold and scary. I know people have managed to live in the dark before. If I knew the Sun was coming back tomorrow or next week, or the week after, I would simply find a spot in this cold world to wait it out. But I don’t know how many weeks it might be, so I need to learn to live without the Sun for now.

I am slowly learning to do that, to live in the dark. I am finding the things that are missing in my life right now. But it is like have the flour, sugar and other ingrediants for a cake. Eating them individually is not at all the same as having that wonderful double fudge chocolate cake.

I want the Sun back, I want to go home. For now, I am finding my way around in the dark, but every day I am hoping and praying that the Sun will shine again.