Is it worth it?

A few days ago I went climbing outside.  While enjoying the beautiful Wasatch mountains my friends and I heard a loud crash then screams for help.  We knew that was most likely a climbing accident.  Later when I was leaving I saw a bunch of emergency vehicles in the parking lot.  It was rather clear it was serious.  The next day we found out how serious.  Part of the mountain had given way.  One climber was killed and the other is in very serious condition.  According to the news report both climbers were very experienced and following all of the safety preparations.  But even doing all of that wasn’t enough and now we mourn the loss of a fellow climber and are very concerned about the survival of the other. So we all have to ask, “Is it worth it?” 

For me life, just existing as my true self everyday is a calculated risk.  I am openly queer (a transgender lesbian).  I don’t shout that from the rooftops, but I don’t hide it either.  When the topic comes up I freely talk about it.  In doing so every day I put my life in danger.  There are haters out that that might beat me up.  There are maniacs out there that shoot up queer spaces which I am frequently at.  There are politicians out there that want to make my very existence illegal.  

I could hide, I didn’t have to come out.  Even more so I don’t have to be as open about it as I am.  I could deny who I am.  But that would not be living, for me, that would be hiding.  Hiding from life.  My life isn’t always easy.  I have my share of problems.  But overall my life, being the authentic me, is amazing.  Not that before was horrible but now, being the real me, is so alive, so very alive and full of life.

Yes some sad hater could do me harm and I have to live with that reality every moment of every day.  But I choose to do so because that allows me to live a life that is so very beyond anything else I have every known.  It is totally worth it. I have said this many times and it just keeps getting more true, “I would rather live one more day as my authentic self than a thousand years as the person I never really was “

Which brings me back to my title “Is it worth it?”.  I could choose not to climb or at least not to climb outside.  Yes I could.  I could hide from something that touches my soul and breaths life into my life. Like the queer dance clubs I go to, it is optional.  That is if you consider life optional.  Both of these activities and others feed my soul like nothing else does.  They are life.  So maybe some day I will die because some hater shoots up the queer dance club I am at; or because despite being extremely careful, I end in a fatal climbing accident.  But I will die living, being alive to the fullest.

So yes it is worth it; being alive is worth it.