As long as I can remember this has been a special word for me. So special in fact that I get upset when people use it “incorrectly”. Now I know they can apply the word however they want, so I never say anything but it is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. You see for me awesome is reserved for references to God. But where I see God is changing.
Forever I have only used the word awesome for grand moments in nature. When I am at the ocean and admiring the surf and the vastness of it all. In those moments all I see is God. His vastness, His love, all that He is I see in these moments.
I have applied this to other places too. When I am in the mountains. At an imposing waterfall. At an unbelievable sunrise. But always for dramatic landscapes that shout God’s glory.
I had a coworker a while back who when you asked him how he was doing he would reply ‘awesome’. As I said, I never spoke of how that baffled me. But it did. I have heard people use the word to describe objects and events too. All of this rubbed me wrong, none of those things shined with the splendor of HaShem.
I thought that word was reserved only for extraordinary moments in nature. But I was wrong sometimes it apply to people too.
I think I first saw it at Pride. In all of the religious events, I have ever been at I have never seen God’s love shine so brilliantly. Where at Pride was this? In thousands of people who choose to LOVE, over hate. Who accept with no limitations. Who give so freely. Pride is awesome.
I have seen it in the medical personnel who have helped me along my journey. There is no discrimination, there is no questioning; just love, and acceptance. They come as God does with a desire to help and give life, as only they can. These people are awesome.
I have seen it in my coworker, family and friends, whom I have come out to. They listened with love, as I spilled my guts about who I am. They gave me the time I needed to get my words out. They offered help and support. They accepted me, as God does, without limitations. They are awesome.
In a grander way, I see it in the whole LGBT community. The unbelievable outpouring of love and acceptance. The unity to do good. The striving to survive and be the people God created them as. In all of this, I see God, it is awesome.
But I have to say the most special awesome to me is that which I see in my wife. Any spouse would be totally in their right to abandon their marriage. This isn’t what they signed up for. But far from abandoning me she is my greatest ally. She has constantly encouraged me to grow in who I am, to take the time to learn about this new world of mine. She supports me in every way possible. There are times at night when I lay beside her sleeping. I snuggle up to her and as I do I think of how awesome she is, the love of God truly shines through her. In these moments I quietly cry, as God’s splendor in her is more than I can contain.