Some say transitioning is a “process”, I think it is far closer to a journey. Maybe you’re on some distant planet, or a tropical island, or any other secluded beautiful untouched place. Like any such journey, there are scary moments, crossing some treacherous ravine, or wondering if your supplies will last. Then there are those moments when the world stops, as you walk out of the jungle to see the crystal clear water of an endless beach. The beauty the magnitude of it all is overwhelming. In that moment you contain the endless capacity for wonder that children have.
Have you ever watched a toddler explore their world? While many complain about the “terrible twos”, I have always so loved that age. Yes, they can be a pain, but nearly every moment of life is a new discovery, a new moment of amazement. Their eyes are so bright with the wonder of life and the new things they see. It might be the same thing they saw yesterday, or even a few hours ago. But that twinkle in their eyes, that joy of discovery is so fresh and new. I don’t think it is that they forgot, but more that life, every little moment of it, is so amazing to them.
And that is where my journey is right now. Not so much looking out, although there is that too, looking in is so amazing. I have said before that when I closed the door to my gender decades ago that I also closed the door to my heart. I am now finding that I closed the door to so much of who I am.
I don’t know how quite to describe all of this. Discovering yourself and who you are seems like an odd thing to say, but that is where I am at. For me it holds all of the amazement of that serene beach, all the wonder of a child’s first taste of life.
While there is a part of me that would give anything to have been born with the right parts. There is another part that is enraptured by that serene beach that is my current life. And while it hasn’t always been easy overall I am so very blessed; with a beautiful wife, a wonderful family, and amazing friends.