What not to ask?

What not to ask me? Anything you are not prepared to hear the answer to. Some questions could result in rather detailed and/or graphic answers. I have discussed details of my surgery with strangers, granted those were other queer people that understood. But my point is I am very open. Oh there are things that are too private for which you will get an answer like, “I’m not comfortable sharing that with you”. But those are rare.

What not to ask other queer people is a totally different question. First off for those that don’t know queer refers to any LGBTQAI+ person. They might be trans, gay bi, or any many other identities. For most queer people having others ask questions about their queerness, their identities, beyond very basic things is very inappropriate. I understand people being curious. On the other hand, we all need to balance curiosity with being polite and respectful.

There is a scene in one of my favorite movies (Jenny’s Wedding) that portrays this issue very well. The movie is about a young lady coming out to her conservative parents as a lesbian and getting married.

In this scene, the father who is currently having a lot of difficulty accepting his daughter infers that he wants to know how they make love. He can not fathom how lesbian sex works and that seems to frustrate him. Her response is ‘We are kind of old fashion and don’t like to talk about those kinds of things in public’ (not an exact quote).

To me, it is an amazing scene because I see both sides. The father’s confusion and desire to understand, and the daughter’s total disgust at the question. But it is a very realistic scene. For some reason, many people seem to think it is just fine to ask a queer person something they would never dream of asking a non-queer person.

But I think the reality of it isn’t that people want to know intimate personal details about a queer person’s life. I think most of them just want to understand a world that is confusing to them. And for some reason, this desire to understand overshadows their common sense sometimes.

The bottom line is,
if you wouldn’t ask a given question of a non-queer person
it isn’t proper to ask such a question of anyone.

Next Question: What does J616 mean?