A Second Childhood

It seems most trans people that you hear about came out, or are coming out when they are young adults. And the few that are coming out when they are older knew they were trans for a long time. But for me it has been a bit different.

I didn’t start learning about LGBT until my adult kids started coming out. It was their coming out that took me on the journey of self-exploration that let me to realizing I am trans.

As a child I knew I was different, but I also knew that what I was would not be accepted so I buried it so deep I hardly knew it existed. But enough of the past.

So now I am at the beginning stages of transitioning. As is true for everyone (trans) there are those times for one reason or another that are very difficult. I certainly have my share of those. But there is also this second childhood I seem to be going through. Since I never acknowledge my femininity as a child, I get to experience the wonderment of so many childhood special moments as an adult.

Trying on Makeup
This has been fun, frustrating and fabulous. I seem to totally have the fascinations of a young girl putting on make up for the first time. As is always the case my first few attempts were not that good. But with the help of YouTube, my wife and teenage daughter, I am getting better and having fun along the way.

This has been so much fun. I love pretty shoes, and of course nothing is prettier that nice heels. Well almost nothing. In my shoe exploration, I have learned that even more than heels I love boots. I have acquired a few pairs. But to not be unfair to my first love, most of my boots have heels, 2, 3, 4 inches. Who knowns where I will end up in the end but for now my favorite shoes are boots with heels.

I realize my tastes are currently this little girl exploring her world, so I didn’t want to spend a small fortune on clothes just to figure out that I don’t care for half of them. My solutions has been the thrift shop. This way I can have a huge wardrobe, bigger than my wife’s, and what ever doesn’t work out isn’t a big loss.

I would like to be able to say I have this all figured out now, but that is far from the case. There are times this little girl wants to get all dressed up in a ball gown just for the fun of being so pretty. Then there are those times when practicality comes along and I have to be a bit more reasonable. I do think I am slowly getting closer to the styles and colors I like, but I am not done exploring.

And so much More
There are so many things going on with me, as my femininity blossoms, that I don’t know how to put into words. Some of it is scary, most of it is wonderful. I wish I could bottle up the immense joys of being authentic and share it with the world. Sometimes it is so wonderful I cry just because I can’t contain it all.